“You’re like the cutest Mexican girl I’ve ever hooked up with, but I don’t want a relationship so, I’m going to ghost you and randomly message you every four months…want to do something Friday night?? ;)”
In 2019, dating in America means feeling mixed up and trying to figure out what not only you want, but what everyone else wants too. Online, people ghost you, some want ‘no strings attached’, have secret side pieces or are so clingy to their partners out of jealousy. With these things in mind, online dating can just be pure anxiety. When did dating and talking to people become this difficult?
I rarely talk on Tinder anymore since some people message their intentions right away and it can be very overwhelming. I’m afraid the way I present online can lead to high expectations for someone that when they talk to me, they will end up disappointed or bored with how I really am. The one time I did talk to someone, I was ghosted within a week. All we did was send each other memes and follow each other on instagram. It left me thinking, “What did I do wrong? Was he bored? Maybe he didn’t find me attractive after all?” My anxiety definitely shot up, but I can’t be too upset because I’m guilty of ghosting too. This is one part of online dating culture that I don’t want any part of. Next.
Cheating is another part of online dating I can do without. I’ve had a person message me saying “I miss you, I want to see you soon,” while I know they had a committed partner. The web may be wide, but I can still see your girlfriend tagging you as “bae.” The damage cheating does doesn’t just hurt those in the relationship; it affects others around them. As a person from a split family, I’m forever negatively affected for the rest of my life due to the trauma. Some people are willing to risk it all for a secret person on the side out of unhappiness with who they’re with. I’d rather end my relationship because the cuts I’d leave would heal easier. Next.
If they don’t ghost or cheat, relationships that start online can get unhealthy in person. I understand the concept of loving a partner unconditionally, but dependency can be toxic. I’ve seen close friends and family members have partners who restrict them from hanging out with people who seem like a threat. Or else they’ll invade their phones and laptops daily to see if their cheating. Jealousy is always a scary, dark emotion that can take over and I hope to never carry it. If I let jealousy run throughout a whole relationship, where does the love, trust and feelings go? If my partner thinks I’m unfaithful to the point of needing to take away my independence, I would rather end it. Next.
With all of these as my online options, it seems like I’m better off staying away from dating apps. I am realizing it’s always going to come down how a person deals with getting into relationships and how honest people are about their intentions up front. If I do meet or talk to anyone, I prefer to do it in real life. Who knows? Maybe I’m better off meeting someone in person instead of online anyways.